So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
