I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
