I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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