You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
