weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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