What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
