Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
