Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
