I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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