u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
