I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
