Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
