ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
