Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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