3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
