I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
