listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
