just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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