i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
