wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
