I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
