He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
