i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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