Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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