I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
