Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
