I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
