I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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