I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
