Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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