Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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