dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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