In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
