I love black thongs
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I am midnight drunk by noon
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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