u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
