Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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