I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
