Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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