Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
