You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
There's always time for handjobs
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
