just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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