My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
