He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
