Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
