I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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