Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
