I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
