last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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