I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
