All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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