If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
