I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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