I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
